5 Months old, and a night out!

5 Months old!

(Every month I put him in this 12 month onesie and take a picture of him on his rug)

What a big weekend at our house! (not really) Alexander turned 5 months old on Saturday! That is a big deal. He got to have a date night with Aunt Sara, while we had a night out. That is a huge deal! And one of our dogs turned 3! Not as big of a deal, but would have been a big deal before Alex! (poor dogs)

5 Months Old Already!

I can't think of anything that has changed since my last big update (last week), so I will save you from having to re-read all his stats. I am pretty sure he is really teething now. It seems like he has been for months now, but he must be now! He has been a little grumpy, which is not like him! He was so fussy on Saturday that we thought we were going to see a tooth that day. I also think he might have been bored. During the week he goes to work with me and has 3 girls to play with, and most weekends we are so busy that we are going all day. Well, Friday night and Saturday we didn't go anywhere, and I don't think he likes to be home all day! Silly boy! On top of that we had a lot of cleaning to catch up on, so he was left to play alone, which he doesn't mind, but not for long periods of time.

He was much happier when his Aunt Sara showed up! Later Uncle Joe came to help watch Alex and he really liked having both of them over. Saturday night was only the second time in 5 months that we have left Alex to go out. It is hard for me to do, but I am working on it. I was a little uneasy about it, until we got to the mall and into our movie. I started to feel better, but checked my phone during the whole movie. After the movie we went to see some friends. It felt really nice to be out at first, but after saying hi to everyone I was ready to go home to Alex. The best way I can explain it, is what I was telling Joe. When I think about leaving Alex it feels like I can't breath. He feels like such a part of me that I feel like I am not whole when he is not near by. I think back to the over night scrapbook party that I went to, and I don't know how I did it! I guess it's a little different leaving him with his dad! That must be how I did it.

Sadly, this is causing a little problem this weekend! My sister's bachelorate party is this weekend, and it is an over night party about 3 hours north of where we live. I want to go, and it sounds like fun, but there is no way I can leave Alex for that long, and be that far away from him! I could have a panic attack just thinking about it! I think some of this comes from a point that I touched on in the last post. We do not have a finalized adoption, and the thought of loosing Alex makes me want to really take in every second that we have him. If we were to not finalize our adoption I would hate to look back at the nights that I could have been with Alex, but I was not. Everyone says that I should not even worry about it, because we are not going to have Alex taken from us, but no one can say that for 100% until it's finalized! I just hope that this feeling goes away after we finalize, or I might just be crazy! lol

So, that was our weekend. We saw A Nightmare on Elm Street*, it was good, but not as good as the original. I hope to have more date nights soon.

Mother's Day and Carrots, a day of 1st!

Yesterday was my "first Mother's day", and Alex had carrots for the first time! He loved the carrots,and I had a very hard Mother's day!

Lets talk about the carrots first! While shopping Saturday night I picked up all of the 1st stage fruits and vegetables. We were pretty excited to see what he would think of them. He has been having cereal for just about a month, but not everyday. If he is in a good mood, and we are not busy, I will give him some cereal before the 7pm bottle. Some nights he does pretty good, and other nights he is not into it at all. Last night after Joe got done eating, he ran in the kitchen and opened up the carrots. I was still eating and Joe did not even give me time to get the camera before he had the first spoonful in Alex's mouth! I was trying to tell him that you have to put half in a bowl, and that you should not eat out of the container. He would not listen so I had to get up and take the carrots before he double dipped the spoon. I put half in a bowl and gave him that. I also got the camera at that time. Alex did really good and seemed to like them. He opened his mouth when he saw the spoon. He also grabbed the spoon and helped Joe, get the carrots into his mouth. He even whined when it was gone. I am excited to see what he thinks when he has them again tonight.

















Onto Mother's day. I am not going to get into the whole story because that would take a lot of time to write out, so the short of it is that our adoption is not finalized, and Alex does not have our last name, and for other reasons that I am not ready to write about, I was dreading Mother's day! I do feel like I am Alex's mom, and I do care for him 100% of the time (along with Joe), but yesterday I did not feel like I was his mother, and that I did not have the right to celebrate Mother's day. At one point Alex was being grumpy, and I broke down bawling and wondered to myself if he knew. If he knew on Mother's day that I am not his biological mother! As crazy as that might sound to some, I know I am not the only one that this has happened to! (another reason I am so glad I have all the other adoptive mom's blogs to read. -Thank you ladies) By late afternoon Joe saw that I was having a hard time, and I shared some of my feelings with him. He made me feel a little better, and we went on with our day.

(20 Week Ham)

Another thing that was a tiny factor, was the lack of relationship with my own biological mother. Another long story, but the short version is that she in not in our life, and has not been for close to 8 years. Well, a person asked me how I was doing and I started to share some of my feelings about Alex, and it turned out they meant about my mom. (no fault to that person) but that got me thinking about her, which I don't do unless someone brings her up. My pain over the Alex situation out weighs the pain for my own mom, by far, so I quickly got over her, and worked on feeling better about Alex!
After having dinner with Joe, and watching him (as Alex's daddy) give Alex carrots for the first time, I let all the hurt I was feeling go, and ended the day feeling fine.
I should also mention that Joe did a great job helping me celebrate mother's day. He had four cards for me when I got up Sunday morning. One was from our dogs, thanking me for all the treats I give them! lol 2 were from Alex, both pretty funny, and with Alex's hand traced in one of them. The other was from him, and it had a very nice note in it about what a great mom I am to Alex. They (Joe and Alex) also had a bag of gifts for me. There was some perfume, candy, a frame that said "I love Mom", a parents magazine, and the Willow* Tree. It has a woman holding a baby. It is very cute! For Christmas we had gotten the one with both parents and the baby, from Joe's mom. That started our collection, and I can't wait to add the one with the dad and baby at Father's day!
I also want to say that I am 90% sure I heard Alex say "mom" today! lol He was not looking at me, but just playing on the floor. He was trying out some different sounds and I swear I heard "mom" mixed in there. This is big because so far I have never heard him say anything with an "M" in it! :) Oh, and yesterday he said "gaga" for the first time. Before that he had never used "g". Joe and I looked at each other and cracked up when he said it!

(the waitress gave Alex a menu! lol)

Also, I do not think it will be long before we have a crawler on our hands! He has been using rolling as a way to get across the room, and now he has added "inching" like an inch worm. He does not stay in one spot when on the floor, that is for sure!