No news

No news still! This wait is torture!  I called our social worker today to let her know that we had never got a call yesterday.  She said she had not hear what the plan was after the meeting, or if they had even come up with a plan. She said for me to call the kids social worker, so I did. She did not answer so I left her a voice mail, but never heard back from her. I'm pretty sure she was in the office at some point today, so it is breaking my heart that she will not call and tell us something.  Even if it's just an update. I would love to hear something. I hope and pray she calls tomorrow with some kind of answer, because I don't think I will be able to enjoy my weekend if she doesn't!

Step 3

Step one was getting our license.  We were approved on March 22nd!
Step two was getting approved to have two kids, even though we are a little short on space.  That was approved yesterday (March 29th). 
Step three is to find out if Alex's brother and sister will be coming to stay with us until they are reunited with their birth parents (or they go up for adoption, then we would fight to adopt them).  We find out about step three later today, or early tomorrow.  I am praying that we get some positive news today!  As I have mentioned I am a mess.  The suspense and all of this waiting is killing me!  Patience has never been a strong point for me. 

As I sit here trying to keep my mind busy,  I have one eye on my phone, and the other reading blogs.  I am trying not to think about the call, and yet I am jumping out of my skin wanting the phone to ring!  I want to puke.  I can not handle waiting this long to hear what it going to happen next! 

A lot is about to change if they decide to move them in to our home!  99% of me is really excited for that, and the other 1% of me wonders what the heck I am doing!  I hope we get the call soon, and I hope they tell us what we have worked so hard to hear!

Update: It's 9:30pm, I am going to bed.  They never called today?  I'm pretty upset.  I had even asked that someone call us TODAY.  All she had to do was call for a minute. :(  Good night.

Still crazy!

I thought today might go a little better, but I was wrong!  Or did I say that today would be hard?  I can't remember.  I guess I could read yesterdays post, but what's the point? 
Today is the worst so far!  I was sure I would hear something by now!  It's been a week!  I can't see how our license would be approved in less than a week, but it would take even longer to approve the space.  Either it's ok that each kid does not have quite 40 square feet, or it's not!  Who is spending so much time trying to decide?  Today I have had it about this!  Not only are we waiting to hear about the spacing, but then we have to hear what the outcome will be for the kids.  I do not "wait" well!

I am so consumed with this today that it is ruining my day with the kids too.  There is a lot of hitting going on between the kids today, and it's making me very upset.  I am trying my best to actively play with them, but I feel myself spacing out a lot.  It's like they can tell I am not fully here, and they are being naughty to snap me back to it!  I look forward to 3:30 when we can get outside to walk to the bus stop, and feeling the warm sun.  Today I need a lot of sun in my life!

I have to take the car in today, and pick up the rental.  After dinner we are going to take Alex for a walk, and I might spend some time working in the yard.  Tomorrow is the kids last day before spring break, so I want to have some crafts to do with them later this week, and for next week so I might work on that too.

A Good Weekend!

Alex was cracking up while I played "peek-a-boo" with the camera. 

This weekend went well.  I had a scrapbook day on Saturday and was able to get a lot done.   My area is a big mess now, but I plan to clean it up some night this week.  Maybe I will even work on a page or two while I am down there.

I was able to "let go" of the kids for most of the weekend.  Although I talked a lot about them with my friend while we scrapbooked, I didn't feel stressed about it.  It was nice to be able to get some of the thoughts out of my head.  I still have no idea what is going to happen with the kids, and every day my heart tells me something different, so it was nice to kind of have a weekend free of stressing about it.

What a cute little boy! So fun to scrapbook for him!

This week I plan to not let the kids, or even the idea of foster care take over me, like it did last week!  Along these lines, I had Joe change the password to my f.b. account (that is friends with Alex's birthmom).  Last week, and even over the weekend I found myself checking on her all the time.  I never come away from it feeling happy, or better.  It always makes me feel worse.  I told Joe, my goal is to not check it for a week. 

At work I am trying to leave me phone in one place and not always feel like it has to be in my hand.  So far that is not going great.  I had to take care of a lot of stuff over the phone this morning, so I had to have my phone close by.  I will work harder on this one tomorrow.

I think tomorrow is going to be even harder for me.  It was a week ago Tuesday morning that we got the call from the social worker saying that our license came back. Already today, I am anticipating that she will be calling again tomorrow! 

At my sister's baby shower.

Tonight I am going over to my sister's house for dinner again.  It always fun doing that.  It's never for long enough since it's a week night, but any amount of sister time is great.  Tonight I get to help her go through the gifts from her baby shower.  She likes to hear from me what I think she will really need, and what she won't.  That is all very fun for me!

Tomorrow night my car is going into the shop. A few weeks ago, my boss hit me in their driveway.  It was really not a big deal, but she felt so bad about it.  I have not been too worried about it because it still drives just fine, but I think she will feel a lot better after it is fixed.  She says I need to hurry and get it done, because it's going to be too hard to take care of things like this when I have 3 kids!  I laugh because we don't know forsure that we are going to have the other two.  It's also very funny to me because she has 3 kids, and had no problem getting her car fixed! lol

Alex is getting so good at using his fork!

This weekend we have a game night planned with our good friends, and also another couple that we will be meeting for the first time.  Our friends say that this couple is a lot like us, and that we will all get along great.  I hope this is true.  We need more friends.  I really don't like meeting new people, but I guess that is the only way to gain new friends, right?  It feels kind of like a blind date!  I love game nights, so I am sure it will turn out fine either way.

The weather looks nice this week so I plan to stay busy with walks a night, and a little yard work.  My flower beds are full of leaves, and my spring grass looks really gross!  I hope it dries up and stays nice so I can get it looking a little better!

A weekend

It's the weekend, and I could not be happier!  I have spent so much time thinking about the kids this week.  My brain really needs a break or it might explode! 

I woke up just before my alarm went off this morning (man, I hate that) and those two little cuties jumped right into my thoughts before I cold even turn over and drift back to sleep!  I started thinking about the silliest stuff!  I wondered if I should get a clothing stamp so I could stamp their names into all of their clothes.  At work the 3 girls are so close in age, that I can never tell their socks or underwear apart.  The silly part is that the boys are not even close in sizes, and there is a girl in between, yet I still thought about it.  I also tried to think of ways to keep their stuff organized.  When you have a foster child in your home you have to keep everything that they come with.  Even if you have them for 2 years and they have outgrown all of their clothes.  You still have to keep them.  This is another little something that I was thinking about.  This should not be a problem for me. 
Alex is 15 months old, and I still have everything that was ever on that cute little body of his!  Now I have a basement full of tubs of clothes.  I have tried to sort through it a few times.  I know there are somethings that I can not part with, but there is a big chunk that can go.  One night I even spent a few hours taking pictures, and posting the items on C.L.  I waited and waited and never got any emails on the stuff.  I thought that was crazy.  I had $100 worth of pj's for $10.  Who would not want to take me up on that?  Any ideas for the best way to sell (or even trade) kids clothes.  I really need to make something back on them so I can buy more.

Anyway, back to it being the weekend!  I am glad it's the weekend because I can turn off any ideas of the kids coming home.  I know that our office is closed on the weekend, and so there is no way anyone would be calling with any news.  I can't wait to set my phone on the charger, and to leave it there.  I am sick of it being in my hand, on the couch next to me, in my pocket, or on the counter while I cook.  I am sick of leaving it in the living room while I get something for someone, and then getting upset when I check it and find no missed calls!  I'm sick of using it to watch my email only to find no updates!  I am excited to be turned off for the weekend!
I am having a scrapbook day with a good friend tomorrow, and it is much needed!  I am somewhere around March on Alex's scrapbook, and I don't mean March 2011!  I hope to get a lot done, because my goal is to make scrapbooks for any kids that may come into our home as well.  With Alex's first year I took pictures of him every day, so it is taking me a long time to get through his book.  For his second year it will not be as bad!

I look forward to an easy weekend, and I can't wait to see what next week might bring! 

Day Two

Today we have been licensed for two days, and I can not stop staring at my phone!  What did people do before cell phones?  I would have had to wait all day to get home and check for missed calls. That would be even worse!
I knew that we would not get a call for a placement last night, because we are waiting to be approved for the siblings, and then we have to figure out if that it will be best for them.  But, it was still neat to think about last night.  I kept asking Joe "what if we get a call", and he kept reminding me that we wont!  lol
I would think that, since they approved us in less than a week, it should not take more than a day or two to hear about the other part.  It's driving me crazy waiting to hear. 
I am wondering if she will have more information about the kids when she calls, or if she will just let us know what the state said.  Then we will have to wait and see what the agency thinks, as far as moving the kids to our home.  Joe wondered if they will call, and say "ok, come get the kids".  I don't think it will go like that.  They are in a home now, so it's not really something that has to happen fast.  I would like to think, that if they are going to move them to our home, that they would have us make a couple visits with them, and maybe come visit our home a couple times.  I don't think it would be very healthy for them to just up and move. It would also be nice if I had a few days to get some things in order, like daycare, and beds.  As of today, we would not be ready at all! 
It's really hard for me to not call the social worker, and ask more questions. When I got the call from her yesterday I was in such shock that I didn't ask any questions.  I think she doesn't really have any answers for me, until the other part comes back, so I don't think I will bother her. 
I hope the days get easier, because right now this is really hard.

We are Licensed!

As of 9am today we are licensed for foster care. 

When I saw our social workers name come up on my phone, I was sure the state had more questions!  I was shocked when she said that she got an email today saying that our license had been approved.  It was just a week ago, that it went out, and she said it could be a month or two before it came back!  She said she has never seen it come back in 1 week.  We must look pretty good on paper!  :)  I think that our social worker also did a really good job on our paperwork.  Joe said that maybe it went through that fast because it's a sibling situation.  Either way, that was fast.
Now, we have to wait to see if we are going to get the kids.  When she came out to see our house she said that our rooms are just a little smaller than what they would like, but because of the siblings, she thinks it will not be a problem.  So we have to wait for that part to be approved.  Once that comes back, then we will talk about the kids coming to stay with us.  It's getting very exciting around here!  I just hope to know more soon, so I can get things ready!
Tonight I am ready to do my spring cleaning!  I don't see much time for things like deep cleaning, in my future!  I may become a mother to 3 real fast!  Time to get busy!

Love Babies in PJ's!

Best Buds!

Bedtime kisses!

Just "chillin" in my PJ's!

Bath, PJ's, Milk, Bed!

So ready for bed!

Teething Cheeks!

Love these PJ's~

Keeping a busy mind

My mind is always running.  Most of the time, it runs faster than I can follow it.  Joe will ask me "What are you thinking about?", and sometimes I will give him the "run down", other times I will just say "nothing".  The "run down" might look something like this:  I saw that sign, and it made me think of that day we went for a walk, and that house we saw, with the orange cat, which made me think of our cat, and so I started to wonder about the pets that we have had, and what pets we will have, and now I am thinking about when we can move, and if we will get more pets!  Exhausting, right? 
Today this is on my mind, because last night I woke up around 2:30am.  Alex has been crying in his sleep more, and I always hear him.  It's only for a second, so I think maybe he is dreaming, or just cried because he woke up for a second.  I don't know.  Well it woke me up enough that I started to think, and then I couldn't go back to sleep.  The last thing that I talked to Joe about, before bed, was the kids, so I think that was why they came to my mind.  Or it could be, because I am always thinking about them. 
Since I could not fall back asleep I just laid there thinking about what it would be like with them in our home.  I was wondering what all would change, and what might stay the same (I'm guessing nothing will stay the same).  I thought a little about what it would be like once they left, if it came to that.  I try not to think that far ahead.  I know about the heartbreak, it's part of the foster care package, right?  No point in stressing over that.  I mostly wonder if they will ever even be in our home.  We will not know for sure until after our license comes back, which will be about a month. 
I got an email from our social worker, yesterday that said our report is done.  Now she hands it in to her boss to be proof read, and then it gets mailed into the state.  They hope to have it on it's way by the end of the week.  She said the last one they sent in took about a month to come back, so that is what they are going off from, as a time frame. 
Now, how do I keep my mind busy for the next month?  I don't really have a problem at home, or on the weekends.  It's really at work, and when I wake up in the night that I have the worse problems.  I remember reading once that you should write down everything that you are worrying about, right before you go to bed, as a way of getting it out of your head.  Seems to me that would bring it all to the front of my head and give me more to worry about!  I think I might try it for a few days, though.  I don't think it could hurt.

March

Flash back January 2010, my sweet baby Alex!

It's March!  Today I wish it was April!  I wrote a Ten for Tuesday back in February, so I thought I would do it again.  I am not a big fan of these "ten for Tuesdays", but when you are having a hard time blogging, I think it works out great!

1.  I really don't have a single feeling about March!  It's got St. Patrick's day (which we don't do anything for), so other than that it's not a special month for me!  There are no birthday's in my family, and it's not yet spring!  This year March holds a lot of questions for me, and I will be happy when it is over.


2. Speaking of questions......I wish I had all the answers  I am trying to trust in God, and let him guide us in this process of fostering, but I am such a control freak.  It's been really hard to just let go, and not question what will happen.  I feel like things will be much more clear in April!

I think Alex will be a big help with his new baby cousin!

3. I just thought of something that is exciting this month!  My little sister's baby shower will be in March.  She is due to have a little boy in May, and I am really excited for her shower.

4. We thought we were going to be done with the foster care application presses by March, but it didn't work out that way.  Our Saturday class got canceled and now we will have one more class March 8th.  I turned in another pack of paperwork today, but it looks like that still wasn't all of it.  We will have one more visit on Friday to test our water, and one more class.  I hope to have the last of the paper work in this week, and then we should be done on the 9th.

5. I think about Alex's siblings everyday.  It's hard to think about them being in a foster home, and I wish they were here with us.  I think about how much Alex would love to have them at home with us, and I wonder if they will come to be with us forever.  At lunch today Sarah (5) said to me "I wish Alex had a sister".  I said "He does", and she said "I know, but I wish he had a sister that lived with him".  It broke my heart, and reminded me what it really means for Alex to have a brother and sister who do not live with us.  Not only do they not live with us, but they live in a foster home.  It all makes me so sad!  Sarah went on to talk about Joe and I adopting a baby girl.  I have not told the girls (that I nanny) about us being licensed for foster care.  They know what foster care is, but there are still so many unknowns, that I do not what to try to explain the whole thing to them, yet. 

6.  It's really nice out today!  The sun is shinning, and it is almost 40, which is not too bad.  I have a window open, and the fresh air feels really nice.  I wish I was at home cleaning, with the windows open, but I am not at home so instead I am cleaning at work with the windows open.

7. Alex is still climbing everything!  He is falling less, though, which is good.  The silly thing is that he also still loves to tell on himself!  Today we was standing on a chair and calling out to me.  He wasn't saying a word, but just by the sound alone I knew we wanted me to look.  When I saw him I told him to sit down, and he does, and he laughs, and as soon as I look away he stands up and calls me again!  Fun game for him.

Sarah wants curly hair so bad, so I spent an hour curling her hair. 

 

 8. I am a nanny, for what I am guessing, was me when I was her age!  It's weird for me!  We are so much a like, so you would think it would be easy for me to deal with her, but instead it's a lot of work!  One of our big issues is the need for us both be right.  I know, I know...she is five, and I am 30 so I should let it go, and let her be right, and sometimes I can, but sometimes I can't.  I love her to pieces, and I will keep working on our relationship!






9. I am a nanny for an (almost) 7 year old who is really growing into a beautiful young girl.  Everyday at 4 we work on homework together, and I love this time with her.  I love when she reads books just right, and the proud look on her face.  I love when she slips up on words and she looks to me for help.  I will miss our homework time this summer!

Poor Jenna, with carpet burn on her nose and forehead.

10.  I am a nanny for a 2 year old, and she is not how I pictured she would be, when I started watching her at 2 months old!  She has more sass than both her sisters put together.  He favorite saying is "Leave alone".  She sucks her thumb and twirls her hair in the cutest way.  Before nap time she sits in my lap and we read 3 books together.  When I say "upy upy little puppy" she knows it's time for nap, and she never fights it.  She is the sweetest little cuddlier, and the sassiest little 2 year old, all in one!

A little taste of spring.

How could you NOT miss this face?

 (This post was written on Feb25th)

Last week we had a little taste of spring!  We had about 5 days of nice weather.  It was warm enough to melt almost all of the snow.  I even got the kids out for a walk one day, which felt so nice!  I knew it wasn't going to last, but now I want spring to come more then ever!  This past weekend we got another snow storm, and it made it look like we never had that taste of spring last week!  The grass is all covered again, and so is our driveway.  I wish I would have taken pictures.  It's crazy that it took a week to melt it, and only 1 night to put it all back!
We took Alex out to play while we shoveled, and he loved it!  I think he is going to be so happy when spring comes too! He has so much energy, and his favorite thing to do is to run.  I can picture him darting all over our yard!  I think he is going to love the freedom of exploring our fenced in backyard!
Speaking of running.....we took him to get his first pair of big boy sneakers!  We put them on him in Tar.get so we could see how he would do in them.  He seemed pretty surprised to be out of the cart at first, but then he took full advantage of it.  He was running up and down every isle.  It was funny watching him.  Every time he passed by another person they would just smile or giggle.  He is so short, so he looks really funny running around.  Needless to say he loves his new shoes.  The next day at work he kept stomping around in them.
I have had to spend more time away from Alex this week, then in his whole life!  It's both really hard, and yet a little easier than I expected.  The first day was Saturday.  We had class from 9-5, and Joe's mom was in town so she watched Alex at our house.  In the middle of class Joe asked me how I was doing, and I told him it kind of felt nice.  It was the first time, in a long time that I could do something without feeling that pressure to always have 1 eye on Alex.  Not only that, but I was so focused on the class, that the problem I have of always stressing about things, was gone.  (It's hard to explain this feeling I have.  So I will save all of that for another post)

Alex unplugged the lamp and "re-plugged" it into Jenna's boot!

Is it spring yet?  I'm ready to get outside!

The next two nights were Tuesday and Thursday.  The first night my sister came over to play with him.  This night it was also okay, because we had had a very long stressful day, so it was nice to be able to unwind and just listen to the speaker for 3 hours.  Thursday was a little harder for me.  Joe is home this week, so we split Alex on Thursday.  I took him to work for the first half of the day, and then Joe brought him home for the second half.  When I got home at 5:30 Alex started to giggle and then hug me and pat my back.  It's times that he does that, that make it hard for me to feel okay about leaving him.  He has this way of showing me that he missed me, and it breaks my heart to think about him missing me!  Now today he is at home with Joe all day, so I only had about ten minutes to see him this morning.  I will be happy to get home tonight, and spend some time with him. 
Tomorrow we have class from 9-5 again, so he is going to a friends house.  I will be glad when tomorrow is over!  Thursday nights class was not very good, and I am getting burned out on working, and taking all these classes.  I am feeling the winter blues today, and just want it to be spring.  I want to be done with these classes, and spending so much time away from Alex.  I want to have our licenses, and be done feeling like I always have something to do.  I am ready to have a week of no plans, no where I have to be (other then work), and nothing I have to get done.  I just want 1 week of normal again! 

I said that I love February, but this year I can not wait for February to be OVER!