That takes the cake!

I'm not going to go into all of the details, but if there could be a number 1, first place , worst day in history....it would be yesterday!

The day started ok.  Alex had a runny nose, and his left eye would not stop tearing.  I think it's allergies.  Aside from that he was being pretty good, and so were the girls.  I was not feeling great, but was pushing through it.

Around 4pm the day changed.  Alex was being really grumpy and all 3 girls were pulling at me for different things.  In the middle of it the phone rings, and it's the call we had been waiting for.  It was Alex's sibling's social worker.  She was calling to let us know what she had decided.   First off, I have not had very good luck in talking to this lady!  She always acts like she has no idea why I am calling her or what I want.  I know she is not able to legally tell me much, but she never tells me anything!  She ends up saying that she has no news, and that the kids will be staying in the foster home that they are in now.  It's weird because I already had a feeling that she was going to say that, and I thought I had come to terms with that, but I guess I had not because I got really upset when she said it.  I went on to ask her why they ever called us and asked us to get licensed.  Why they pushed us to move forward, and why other workers there told us there was no reason the kids wouldn't be moved.  This worker is kind of new, and asked that I call her boss, so I did.  This lady also seemed to not know who I was even though I had been some what involved in the case for 4 months now.  Also these two lady's claim to have had two meetings about the kids coming to stay with us, so how can neither of them not be sure who I am!  Annoying!  This lady also had no answers for me, and said she would talk to the person above her.  She said she would call in a day for two with more information. If it's really not in the best interest of the kids to be moved here, then fine, I agree 100%.  I just don't see how it was the best thing for them two months ago, so we rushed to get licensed, and now no one will give me any kind of reason why this has changed!  It's very upsetting. 
After getting home that night I got some horrible news in the mail. I ended up on the phone for the next four hours trying to work out this other issue, and am home today not feeling well, still trying to get it worked out.  It's no small thing either!  I've been on the phone with so many people I can't remember who told me what.  In between calls it's runs to the bathroom. I don't know if it's stress or something else, but I can't eat and my tummy is not happy! Alex is also not feeling well so I am not able to do much when he us up.  I am praying that this second issue gets worked out today, so I can get back to handling the foster care situation!  Wish us luck. :(

Good Bye.

As I wrote about early this week, my grandma was not doing well.  We rushed up to see her Sunday which you can read about here Last visit with grandma.  It went very well and as we were leaving I told her I would be back Tuesday.  I repeated Tuesday over and over to her, and even told her that it was two days away.  In my head I was hoping that if I told her when I was going to be back it would help her to hold on and be strong until I came back to see her again. 
When Tuesday came I couldn't get a hold of my dad to see if he was going to meet me up there, my brother was running late, my sister didn't want to go, gas was almost $4 a gallon, it's an hour drive, Alex needed a nap, I was going up again the next two Saturdays, excuse, excuse, excuse. I didn't end up going.  I talked to my step mom and she confirmed that I had already been up there and had an amazing visit.  She said if anything changed she would call me and I could get up there right away. I left it with the plan of going up Saturday. 
Today my dad called to tell me that grandma passed away last night.  My heart sunk. All I could think was that the last thing I had said to my grandma was a lie!  I told her I would be there Tuesday and I never showed up. She held on and I never came. I feel like such a horrible person today.  I will never let go of the guilt of not going. The guilt of not going to see her one more time. The guilt of telling her I would be there in two days, and never showing up.
My brother did go on Tuesday so I called him today to ask him how she was on Tuesday. He said she did not speak and only stared off into space.  I thought it might make me feel better to hear that, but it doesn't. I thought I wouldn't feel so bad. Maybe she didn't notice that I didn't come back.  Maybe she was too far gone to notice that I didn't stick to what I had said.  No of that matters, I still feel just as bad!

I miss you Grandma and I am so sorry I didn't come up on Tuesday!

Me with grandma in 2009

Tomorrow

Alex "climbing the walls

I am on day 4 of 5 days off.  It's been nice, but days off are not the same when you have a little one!  Before Alex, a day off would include a lot of cleaning.  If I had a day off, and Joe was at work, I would do a lot of deep cleaning and organizing.  Maybe even a little scrapbooking.  Instead, now I spend all day pulling Alex down from the back of the couch, and trying to keep him out of our room. He can open doors now, and we haven't been to the store to get covers yet.

Monday I was able to get to the store and get food for the week!  I did two loads of laundry, picked up, and made dinner.  That was all I had time for.

Alex is very strong!

Today I walked to the park with Alex so he could play and get some energy out.  I did one load of laundry and  took a shower.......or half a shower. Not five minutes after I got in the dogs starting barking and they woke Alex up!  I also made dinner again, but I had to put Alex in his highchair while I cooked. He just can't be trusted right now!

Alex LOVES to climb! Here you can see the two pillows.

Earlier in the day I was trying to unload the dishwasher but I didn't hear Alex playing so I went to check on him.  I found him on top of two boppy pillows trying to reach his humidifier. In my head I said "darn it Joe".  I keep moving the pillows way from Alex's organizer, but I thought Joe kept putting them back.  I threw them to the middle of the room and went back to the dishwasher.  A few minutes later I could see Alex sitting on the couch pretending to drink out of a mug.  A mug that was up on his organizer right next tot he humidifier.  I peeked in his room to see how he might have gotten it down, and I saw the boppy pillows stacked up in from of the organizer again!  It turns out that it is Alex that keeps stacking them up there, so he can climb on them!  Little stinker!
Never in a million years would I have thought he was the one doing it!



Tomorrow we are having a play date at the children's museum which should be a lot of fun!  I have always wanted to take Alex there, but haven't yet.  I am a little worried about the fact that it is spring break so I am sure the place is going to be packed!

Maybe Wednesday.

First is our foster news, or lack there of!  I did talk to a social worker on Friday.  She had no news for me, and said she wouldn't have any kind of answer until Wednesday.  In my heart I feel like the kids will be staying where they are. I just think they are going to say that it is what is best at this time.

Second, Alex is a wild man!  He bump his head pretty bad on Friday. It happen just around the corner from me so I am not 100% sure what happened.  My guess is that he went head first into the baseboard.  The egg on his head was pretty bad with lots of coloring.  The swelling seems gone, for the most part.  It is still pretty black and blue.  Then we were playing in his room and he pulled his music player off the table and cut himself just below the eye. Joe said we are just going to have to get used to seeing him all banged up!  I said I needed a break, so now I am reading blogs.

Saturday we got to have a wonderful steak dinner with our good friends. Our boys got to play for awhile, and then we put them in their matching pj's and put them to bed.  Then we had a super fun game night!  It's always a good time with them.

When we were playing games Saturday night I took a break to check on the sleeping boys, and for some reason I stopped to check my phone. My heart sunk when I saw a 9:15pm call from my dad.  It's not like my parents to call me that late.  I called back right away and he told me that it was my grandma.  She has been in a nursing home for almost 10 years, and has taken a turn for the worse. He said they are predicting that she will only be here a couple more days.

Today we headed up to see her after Alex's nap.  On the way we hit rain, snow, slush, and hail.  It was nasty!  We saw 8 cars in the ditch, and a really bad accident that had us at a stand still on the expressway. I called my dad to see what I should expect when we got there.  He said the day before she would not open her eyes, but he could see that she was moving them under her lids, and that she mumbled a little, but that was about it.  When we got there she was kind of asleep.  I said "Hi" and she tried to say something.  Right away the nurses asked us to step out for a minute so they could move her and check her over.  When we went back in she was much more awake.  I said "hi" again, and this time she said it back. I held Alex up so she could see him and she got a big smile and said "hi" a couple of times to him.  It was very sweet!  I asked her a few questions, like if she knew it was me, and she would say "yes".  I told her some random stuff about the family.I asked her if she remembered Joe, and then she said "yes".  I also told her how we adopted Alex, just like she adopted my dad.  I don't know if she understood what I was saying, but I always wanted to tell her that.  We sat with her for a little while, and then Alex was getting really antsy, so we told her we had to leave.  Right away she said "bye".  We said good bye a couple times and I told her I would be back on Tuesday.  I kept telling her over and over praying that she will be strong until I can see her again.

When we got home I got a message from my work letting me know that I have tomorrow off. That was a really nice surprise!  I left all my housework for Sunday, and since we spent most of the day out of town, I will have an extra day to get things done.  Plus it's spring break for my girls, and not very nice out. I am glad that they will have a day with their aunt, and another with their grandma and then I will go and have 3 days with them.

Tuesday I will be heading back up to see my grandma again. Fingers crossed that she is as alert as she was on Sunday.  I might give my other grandma a call since I will be up near her, and have not seen her since November.  She took off to Florida for the winter, and I am missing her pretty bad.