My mind is always running. Most of the time, it runs faster than I can follow it. Joe will ask me "What are you thinking about?", and sometimes I will give him the "run down", other times I will just say "nothing". The "run down" might look something like this: I saw that sign, and it made me think of that day we went for a walk, and that house we saw, with the orange cat, which made me think of our cat, and so I started to wonder about the pets that we have had, and what pets we will have, and now I am thinking about when we can move, and if we will get more pets! Exhausting, right?
Today this is on my mind, because last night I woke up around 2:30am. Alex has been crying in his sleep more, and I always hear him. It's only for a second, so I think maybe he is dreaming, or just cried because he woke up for a second. I don't know. Well it woke me up enough that I started to think, and then I couldn't go back to sleep. The last thing that I talked to Joe about, before bed, was the kids, so I think that was why they came to my mind. Or it could be, because I am always thinking about them.
Since I could not fall back asleep I just laid there thinking about what it would be like with them in our home. I was wondering what all would change, and what might stay the same (I'm guessing nothing will stay the same). I thought a little about what it would be like once they left, if it came to that. I try not to think that far ahead. I know about the heartbreak, it's part of the foster care package, right? No point in stressing over that. I mostly wonder if they will ever even be in our home. We will not know for sure until after our license comes back, which will be about a month.
I got an email from our social worker, yesterday that said our report is done. Now she hands it in to her boss to be proof read, and then it gets mailed into the state. They hope to have it on it's way by the end of the week. She said the last one they sent in took about a month to come back, so that is what they are going off from, as a time frame.
Now, how do I keep my mind busy for the next month? I don't really have a problem at home, or on the weekends. It's really at work, and when I wake up in the night that I have the worse problems. I remember reading once that you should write down everything that you are worrying about, right before you go to bed, as a way of getting it out of your head. Seems to me that would bring it all to the front of my head and give me more to worry about! I think I might try it for a few days, though. I don't think it could hurt.
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